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Ack...it's just been one of those days...



I pulled on-call last night, even though I'm supposed to be off this weekend. I haven't been in ER in almost four months - but we're short-staffed and RNs are in pretty high demand right now. So I put my name in the pool because this weekend, being a holiday - is a major drinking weekend and what that boils down to is that the ER will be busy.

My favorite ER doc is out right now - she's on vacation, so I got stuck with the one I really don't like. Nothing like an attitude in the middle of the night. I spent my first two hours from 7 p.m. last night in Triage and then moved onto the floor. We had 26 case come in from around 9:30 until 2 a.m. Mostly psychiatric or alcohol - both are really fun - believe me. Between the police and the paras we were really crowded and loud - and that gives you a headache. I ate a really yucky Subway sub at like 3 this morning and now I feel like puking. We've got a Subway IN the hospital now...how convenient!



I got home at like 7:30 this morning and my husband and Jess...my almost-three-year-old son were still snuggled down in their beds. I was still sort of UP from work, so I watched tv until like 8 and then Jess woke up and we all snuggled. That's my favorite time of the day. Jess will wake up some mornings - when I'm home and daddy is home and he'll come to our bed and we'll all watch Thomas the Tank Engine together. Jess calls the hospital "mommy's office." It makes me laugh.



It's just been a rough day. That stupid hurricane off of our coast is making me nervous and the rain is really really tiring. It NEVER stops raining...it seems like it anyway. Between Fay and Gustav - I'm really starting to hate the weather-guys on TV. At least tomorrow should be fun- the whole family is going to spend the day in the pool. That's my plan. Go from the bed to the pool to the bed. hehe....

Ack..I'm tired of people expecting me to be the steady one...sheesh



My sister is having a mental meltdown again, so what else is new? She's three years younger than me and she can't keep her shit together for more than five minutes. Either she's getting fired from her job..and I mean JOB - not career. She's worked in hotels, worked in gas stations, worked in stores, worked in nursing homes, she actually did get her CNA but never really used it. I tried to push her into nursing - which is where I am...but she crapped out after the CNA program. It's too bad because she's smart and capable...I don't know if she's doing drugs or what - but she's lost some weight and she was never fat...she's dating this guy who looks like a meth-addict. I mean, greasy hair, bad teeth, skinny as a rail..it's actually sort of nauseating to look at him. He has no job, no car, no house - NOTHING.

So he lives with my sister and they share her piece of crap 1994 Saturn with the black body and white hood. It's shocking - we come from a decent family - wtf happened to my sister? Not that I think there's anything wrong with a 1994 Saturn, but sheesh....

She can't keep a job for more than a few months..she's lying a lot...I mean, she tells stories that NO ONE would believe and she expects me to just nod and smile? She never gives the whole truth about anything. She calls me at seven in the morning, crying, saying that her boyfriend won't leave and she wants to get him out and he purposely wakes her up all night so that she will miss work and get fired. I don't get it...he has no job...why would he want her to get fired? The house actually belongs to my mother, she's a sucker for my sister...she pays the mortgage when my sister gets behind - bought her a little truck that somehow my sister ended up selling.

The more I think about it...the more I think there might be drugs involved. We're so completely opposite... I'm the stable one, she's the wild one...I have a career, she's jobless...I have a son, she's not even married....and then she has the nerve to tell me that I have a 'simple little life' - like that's a bad thing.....is it bad?

Ack...sorry...I'm just wishing right now that I didn't have a sister...is that bad?

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Angelus
15:46 Aug 29 2008

..having associated with, or worked with Addicts, over many years: it has never ceased to amaze me, how 'they' demean the lives of others, to make themselves feel better about their own palty lives.

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I feel mean today. I have no idea why that is...maybe the weather...I am not going to talk about the weather..ok it's been raining for like freakin-ever...That's probably the problem.



My husband says I'm not funny today. Like usually I find humor in almost everything...even grocery shopping which was the thrill of my weekend. But not today..nothing really feels fun...blah...



Ack...so now I just need to find some excitement today...rollercoaster? nah... skydiving?...nah...mountain biking in Ecuador? nah...grocery shopping...whooohoooo...that was sarcasm...although sarcasm is hard to communicate in a journal. There should be a symbol for sarcasm, so you'll know when it's coming up...like ummmmm there probably is a symbol and I'm just outta touch and don't know it...



Jess - my son, in case you haven't read anything I've written...he's three...anyway...he doesn't understand sarcasm...he takes everything you say - perfectly literally. Which is amazingly hard to imagine if you're a sarcastic person like me. I wonder when sarcasm kicks in during human developement. My family is from Germany and my grandmother NEVER got sarcasm. I was born in Germany and I speak German, but I think sarcasm is more of an American trait...



I'm so bored I'm rambling...time to cook dinner...sheesh the thrills just don't stop here..

He says peckerwood instead of woodpecker...we have a woodpecker who loves the trees next to our house...that peckerwood! I've corrected him a million times, but he still calls the bird a peckerwood...



He hates trees at night. For some reason he thinks they're spooky. It's weird because "tree" was one of his first words. His actual first word was "Hi"...every morning I would lean over his crib and say "hi baby." and finally he said "hi" back. It was shocking. My husband was laughing and I was laughing and he laughed too...



I can't wait until he learns to rollerblade..he loves to go in the stroller when we skate...



He says "mines" instead of "mine" - don't ask me why. He eats barely anything one day and then he eats like a horse the next day. He love broccoli...yuck. He calls it "trees" and he'll eat it before almost anything else. He also loves oreo cookies, but he only eats the middle. And fudgesicles - which I always forget to buy.



He shocks even the pediatrician with his vocabulary. He knows his kneecap is called a patella...and his shoulderblade is his scapula..he listens to every conversation and he takes his words from them. He calls everyone his "friend" even people he's just met. Sometimes it worries me, mostly I'm amazed at how open he is. He loves people - one time we were walking into a store and we passed an old woman and he waved and smiled and said "hi gramma." She wasn't really amused.



He watches Max and Ruby and Thomas the Tank Engine...other than that - he loves Animal Planet and he knows a hippo from a rhino immediately. We have four horses, he mixes up their names, except for Diesel, whom he loves. He loves to flush the toilet but he doesn't like to use it.



ummmmmm........

Some things I want to remember...



He yells 'I'm clean now..." from the bathtub, he calls the drain plug - "the plugger." He wants me to wrap a towel around him and he calls it a "Qwerrel" when I tuck the towel back to itself so he can wear it.



He just learned to blow bubbles in the water...he eats with his fingers and uses his fork to drum on the table. He loves to swim but he needs his arm floaties...he wants to learn to snorkle, I just bought him a teeny mask.

Ack..I don't know if anyone is watching the weather or if they're in Florida. We've got a lovely tropical storm heading our way, which they're predicting to become a hurricane, at least a Cat 1. Yick...



Normally I'm pretty mellow, I've got a husband and job and home and a son and some horses and a business of my own and I can deal with almost anything. But hurricanes freak me out.



So today is Sunday and we're getting our window covery things out and we're putting all the outside toys away, and we're filling our boat with water and we're getting the generator ready to go and we've already spent almost $200.00 on gas alone. Plus water and food and all of the things that you think you might need.



We went five days a few years ago, without electricity. Before we got our genny. It sucked because once the storm passes over you, it's very hot..I mean sweltering hot. I can live without electricity. We used our grill and we emptied our freezer. We cooked like everything we had and ate fish and chicken and beef and so of course we weren't like starving. But we had no fridge, so we had to empty everything. It sucked, all that money...all that food. Then we had no water - because we have a well which runs on electricity of course. So we had these huge water troughs that we filled before the storm, for the horses. And we took all of our totes outside to the porch and we caught all the rainwater that we could. We actually bathed in rainwater - which makes your hair really nice, but sucks in the long run.



We survived of course..but ack, I am totally rambling because now I'm afraid. You always think about losing everything when one of these storms rolls through. Now we have Jess, and he's too little to understand what's going on. He just asks about the wind...and we don't want to scare him. Anyway, we'll try to be as prepared as we can be...please keep us in your thoughts. I know we don't know eachother..but wish us the best if you would...

Ria

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VanDick
18:48 Aug 17 2008

My wife is a weather watcher, hope all will be ok for you

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Rainy days make me melancholy...and tired. We spent the day reading books...blah, my head hurts from reading. Jess has this set of SpongeBob books and he's a little obsessed with them right now. That "almost three-year-old" repetative thing. "read it again mommy" ACK.



Sometimes he wears me out. Then Daddy gets home and wants us to come with him to his last account...sheesh 11 horses and it's rainy and it's still like 90 degrees out. I hate Florida. It rains and you would think it cools off..BUT NO...it turns into a sauna...miserable freakin state this is.



Ok so I'm whiny tonight...sheesh forgive me please...I just want SOMETHING..



Have you ever wanted something and not even been sure what it is that you want? Like I want a Blizzard with m and ms in it...from Dairy Queen...but I don't feel like going to get one...and I want this metal cup that you can refill with water ...to take to work, but I can't find one that I like...and I want these Crocs..they're shoes..but they're like clogs but they have this backless pair that I like...I want to take the boat out tomorrow..but it's going to rain...just like it's raining now...



Sheesh

Just a little note to all of you guys who are still young and unfettered by children...



Although I LOVE my son and I would never trade even one little second with him...Believe me when I say this...



It's really really really hard to be a mom..it takes all of your frickin time, truly. It takes all of your patience, all of your sanity...everything you have....totally.



I am glad that I waited to have my son...my husband and I were together for about five years, we travelled a lot in that time. Thank goodness - because now travelling is HARD. Just going to the grocery store is HARD. I've never been the "housewife" type, I've always had a career and now I've got to fit everything everything everything around my son. My husband and I go out on the boat and we have to take turns snorkling...we used to always snorkle together...and forget diving, sheesh....



I can't wait for Jess to be able to share this stuff..so that we can take him to places we love- that he'll always remember...I want to take him to South America, my husband and I went there every year...to Ecuador to hang out in Otovala and see the indiginos and the waterfalls and the volcanos...I LOVE IT there...and we're just like WAITING for Jess to be a little older...I mean, I'm excited to do these things with him...but it's hard to wait...and I'm nervous to travel with him while he's so young...



Not that we couldn't - I mean sheesh..when I was a baby, my mother dragged me all over Europe ... but it's really hard work.



Anyway.. not that it matters, but I had a point...my point was - wait, because you can have a child and it will be wonderful...but some of it is soooo hard...and it really really really changes everything..... I MEAN EVERYTHING...



you can't even go to the bathroom by yourself!

Sweet potato pie.. I hate that crap. It's gross to make a pie out of a potato. Truly. Plus - it looks like pumpkin pie so you can get tricked by sweet potato pie....here I am like...mmmmm pumpkin pie...yummy ... ACK IT's Sweet Potato!

But then...Jesse will be like "mommy?" and I'll be like "what do you need? sweet potato pie?" and he's like "whatever." He doesn't care if it's sweet potato or pumpkin at all. Only pie he doesn't like is apple. Can't blame him, there's something odd about cooked apple. Are we communists? Since we don't like apple pie, does that mean we should move to another country and pretend that we were never American? Maybe you can't truly be American if you don't like apple pie. Maybe it's like a rule...like "speak English, know the Pledge of Allegiance, like apple pie." to be American. OH WAIT - no one here speaks English or knows the pledge...so we MUST BE AMERICAN!



Actually I wasn't born here so who freaking cares anyway? I'm as American as anyone else..sheesh.. who are you to say I'm not American since I don't like apple pie??? Oh wait! I said it...hehe....



I hate rain sometimes. Sometimes I love rain. Today I hate it. I wanted to mow the lawn. I know that sounds lame, but Jess and I like to mow the lawn. We have a really pretty yard, it's the first time in my life that I've had a really gorgeous yard. We have flowers and Mimosa Trees and confederate jasmine and all...and even some palms. So we mow the lawn on this riding lawnmower and then we appreciate the way the lawn looks and the way it smells and all...we planted plants that are native and drought resistant and blah blah blah so that we would have a great yard...and I have like a black thumb, I mean, I can threaten and scream, but usually all the plants ignore me. But not my yard, my yard loves me and Jess. ...



am I weird.



Probably.



Most likely...





fuggit hehe